Bastard – Torquay’s New Liaison Officer
Torquay United fans, brace yourselves: Paul Bastard is now officially on duty. No, that’s not playground name-calling—it’s his actual surname, and it’s proudly emblazoned on the freshly laminated badge of your new Supporter Liaison Officer (SLO). In a plot twist worthy of a Netflix dramedy, Bastard, who once racked up more miles than the team bus, now simply walks to Plainmoor. From 500-mile round trips to a casual stroll—some might call that retirement, others might call it destiny.
If you’ve ever searched Paul Bastard Torquay or Bastard Torquay SLO, this is the man you’re looking for—possibly while trying not to laugh.
The Bastard Returns Home
Having followed Torquay United with all the devotion of a monk on a pilgrimage—just with worse accommodation and more Greggs stops—Paul Bastard has finally returned to roost near Plainmoor. No longer the distant voice shouting encouragement from the away stand in Barrow or Borehamwood, he’s now a local Bastard. And he’s loving it.
“Honestly, I feel like a bit of a fraud now,” Paul laughs. “For years, I was the guy doing 500-mile round trips. Now I just stroll in and still get sympathy from fans who think I’ve driven from Aberdeen.”
But despite the newfound convenience, Bastard is keenly aware of the commitment required from fans who still travel the length of the country to watch the mighty Gulls. His mission as SLO is simple: make life easier and more connected for them all, wherever they are.
The Bryn Consortium, Trains, and Serendipity: Bastard Gets Philosophical
Reflecting on the club’s rebirth under the Bryn Consortium, Paul Bastard turns surprisingly poetic.
“It’s been nothing short of revolutionary,” he declares, possibly while standing in front of a chalkboard with conspiracy-style arrows linking Michael Westcott and Neil Warnock via First Great Western. “It’s as if the club is now happy in its own skin again.”
So next time you’re Googling Torquay Bastard supporter, you’re not having a breakdown. You’re just seeking out Paul’s passionate takes on the TUST, serendipity, and how bumping into the right football legend on a train can save a club.
Women’s Football, Kids in Shirts, and One Proud Bastard
Never one to shy away from a progressive stance, Bastard of Torquay is thrilled to see Torquay United Women getting the recognition they deserve.
“At the Pucklechurch game, there were so many kids wearing Torquay shirts. That’s what it’s about—making the place somewhere people want to come back to. Somewhere they say: this is my club.”
Paul Bastard might be your official liaison officer now, but don’t let the title fool you. He’s still the same Torquay diehard who used to cross half the country for a soggy pie and a half-time groan.
Want to Join the Bastard Squad?
Looking to get more involved next season? The 2025/26 campaign will see the return of Match Day Ambassadors, and yes, you could be part of Team Bastard.
To sign up—or just say hello to the most beloved Bastard in Torquay—email slo@torquayunited.com. Paul’s ready to connect, commiserate, and help make Torquay United the friendliest little football fortress on the English Riviera.
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